Sunday, March 01, 2009
i love him... too much. that's the problem! to the point that, i know i'm being stupid enough to be thrown away down a steep cliff!
i love him, much! that i know it became so wrong...
i love him so much.. that it hurts so bad...
i want to stop... but it's hard... he became my "personal drug".... he's addicting... and like a drug, he's just pulling me down...
i want to stop... right here, right now, but i don't know if i can... i hope i can...
i don't know what to do... until now...
i've got to stop this... because it will only hurt even more...
i've got to stop this... because i know HE will just wound me all over again...
i need to stop this... for i might even forget who i really am...
Now, i need to stand up for myself... i need to be strong... to show him that i can...
i need to be strong... because no one will do it for me...
i need to be strong... because I'VE HAD ENOUGH!
... and so... the retaliation... starts now!
Posted at 09:38 am by
peachfive
Love me.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
i'm kind of being lonely today... so many thoughts are floating around my head.. I need to stop thinking too much! but i can't help it... I'm doomed! I'm hurt... and i'm losing something... something that i have hold for so long, and now, i'm losing it day by day...
i don't like this. Yeah.. i hate this part of me being so over sensitive. being too much broad-minded. It's killing me. I need to talk to someone... yet i don't want. I only want to just sit here and stare at nothingness, but it would only let me think more stuff, that soon will ruin my sane self!
I know the me today is really different from the cheerful and witty girl everyone knows a few months ago.... I'm soo stupid! I have told myself a hundred times before not to lose my logical self... and yet, here i am today.. the biggest fool ever! i turned myself into a fool that soon will be the laughing matter of the people around me... where is the old me? i want it back!
I never want to regret any decisions i make! Yet this one, this big act i've done... It's different! i told myself that i don't regret it, but.... i thinking i am now...
I don't want to love anymore... because i just can't control myself when i'm loving... i told myself before that i won't give all... and yet... yet... i'm doing it now... i'm so stupid!!! why can't i just be like everyone else?! THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! i want to end this... but i can't just act unplanned now.. I've done illogical acts, and i don't want to worsen it! not anymore!
I'm falling into pieces. it's like i don't know myself anymore.. I'm afraid that one day, i won't be the same "joyce" everyone and myself knows. I don't want to be broken apart.. I want to be saved....
I want to stop loving, but i can't... I just can't.. and it's hurting me really bad....
Posted at 07:50 pm by
peachfive
Love me.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
We're a couple now! and we made it official last december 10!
it was a special day, and also i gave him my first ever kiss! my first ever hug! it was really a magical moment that i can't ever forget!
i finally realized i'm not only attracted to him... I LOVE HIM! and it's just not a simple love like that of what i felt 8 years ago towards this particular guy (i dun like to name names, hehe!).
I love my honey so much! to the point that i give him my trust.. i know he feels the same way, that's why i feel so secured.. i just hope he will never change and that our relationship will grow!
demo ne, there is one thing, i can't give up that easily even though i love him that much!... my virginity! i hope he can understand that part of me.
so... this is how it feels to have my real first love! it's a great feeling ne.. i hope it will never last though... i love him! I LOVE YOU, HON! muah!
Posted at 09:09 am by
peachfive
Love me.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Yeah, that's for sure! wahaha..
2 weeks of vacancy here, ne... And that's what i'm only going to update?! Huwaaaa... Anyway, on to the topic... I'm not sure if this is even right. I mean being inlove with him... Yeah i know there's nothing wrong with being in love with a guy. It's part of life.. Demo ne, what's making it complicated for me is that the people around me, dictating what i must do with this situation. I hate people controling me ok? I want to follow what i want to do, demo ne.. I'm scared that they, these people, will ruin my happiness. I know i'm getting a lot of negative talk behind my back the moment i started hanging around with him.. I wanted to ignore all of it, but this is my first time having this kind of complicated situation, that's why i'm a bit worried and scared.
ugh! why can't they just mind there own business! leave me be! Respect my decision! It's not their life anway! Haaaaa! this is making me crazy. because i want him! but i can't just jump to a decision because there are a lot of things to consider! I hope someone sensiuble can talk to me about this kinds of things! haaaa! the disadvantage of being a NBSB!!!
*walks out of the room* hehe!
Posted at 09:12 am by
peachfive
Love me.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The happiest is when i'm alone...
Today, i went to the mall by myself! I played arcade, i sang at the videoke counter, i ate at a fastfood chain. ALL BY MYSELF!!! and i'm proud of it... it's an achievement for me! haha! Anyways, i feel so carefree today, i feel so independent... And i'm so delighted. I even took a purikura, though chunky or any of my friends is not around. I think i like being all by myself! I was away from the busy crowd, no pain, no worries. Even for just a bit of time. I had the whole day by myself!
Call me loner or whatever you like, i still need time to be myself, to be the real me! Tomorrow, i don't know what i'll be like again, but today is enough for a good memory to keep me standing up for a week.
I'm kind of tired... but utmost i'm still happy. :) btw, tomorrow, i think i might be able to do what i was telling about yesterday... wish me luck ne... Ja, i better get going now! buh-bye!
Posted at 04:49 pm by
peachfive
Love me.
