i'm kind of being lonely today... so many thoughts are floating around my head.. I need to stop thinking too much! but i can't help it... I'm doomed! I'm hurt... and i'm losing something... something that i have hold for so long, and now, i'm losing it day by day...
i don't like this. Yeah.. i hate this part of me being so over sensitive. being too much broad-minded. It's killing me. I need to talk to someone... yet i don't want. I only want to just sit here and stare at nothingness, but it would only let me think more stuff, that soon will ruin my sane self!
I know the me today is really different from the cheerful and witty girl everyone knows a few months ago.... I'm soo stupid! I have told myself a hundred times before not to lose my logical self... and yet, here i am today.. the biggest fool ever! i turned myself into a fool that soon will be the laughing matter of the people around me... where is the old me? i want it back!
I never want to regret any decisions i make! Yet this one, this big act i've done... It's different! i told myself that i don't regret it, but.... i thinking i am now...
I don't want to love anymore... because i just can't control myself when i'm loving... i told myself before that i won't give all... and yet... yet... i'm doing it now... i'm so stupid!!! why can't i just be like everyone else?! THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! i want to end this... but i can't just act unplanned now.. I've done illogical acts, and i don't want to worsen it! not anymore!
I'm falling into pieces. it's like i don't know myself anymore.. I'm afraid that one day, i won't be the same "joyce" everyone and myself knows. I don't want to be broken apart.. I want to be saved....
I want to stop loving, but i can't... I just can't.. and it's hurting me really bad....
Posted at 07:50 pm by
peachfive
