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Friday, November 14, 2008
I'm baaaaaack! And so, i give you updates on what's goin on with my life! Hahaha! specifically, the love problem i'm having! Eep! i declared it as "love" problem! Mendouksai na! hehehe... so what happened? well... uhm... It's just that.... I FAIL MISERABLY WITH THE PLAN I HAD LAST WEEK! i know, right, it's stupid! I should be called "Joyce no baka" for that! hahaha!!! Eeee! seriously, why can't i just ignore the guy??? he's not even my ideal man, for heaven's sake! Eeeeee! I should really stop this.. right?! right?! right?? Haaaaa! Anyways, i think i will be able to this time... you know why? He just gave me a reason to be turned off! Demo ne... if he could just stop smiling like that this week, no doubt i can proceed to the plan! Just.... don't... make.... him.... SMILE!!! it's killing me!!Ok, let's make my head clear this night.... MY IDEAL GUY! yeah, i should remind myself again! What i want for a guy... drumroll please (hehe!):- Tall! he should be tall, and that's a requirement! haha... how tall? 5 inches taller than me would do..
- Age does matter! i will prefer older guys this time... don't get me wrong ok? I don't mean sugar daddies, gets?! hahaha! ok, maybe like 10 years older than me at the most! or at least 2 years older..
- Responsible. yeah, a degree is a must! HAHA! since i have one.
- Sweeter than chocolate! i like sweet and thoughtful guys. Guys who like to surprise their girl just turn me on.. ;)
- what else what else? yeah, i like guys who have goood sense of humor! open-minded and has a great level of maturity. ;) but not too serious and he knows how to have fun.
Basically, that's what i want for a guy! hehe! high standards? of course! haha! i don't care if this'll take me forever to find that special guy! but right now, all i want to do is to take off my attention to.... HIM!
Posted at 08:01 pm by peachfive
Love me.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
I'm done playing games! Tomorrow is another day! and i need to make a difference! No more childish acts. No more games and fooling around. I know it'll be best for the both of us. I'm gonna stop this while it's still fresh. Or else, both of us might get hurt in the process...
I'll work harder now, it's my first priority in the first place anyway. I think it's time for me now to think for my future again. Be serious with it. Know my priorities again. Make it all clear. I don't want to be lost again because of a simple infatuation thing!
I hope i can do this. Tomorrow, i will be my real self, no one can stop me. I am ambitious and i think there's nothing wrong with it! I'm gonna follow my dreams and plans first. I'm gonna think about myself first. For now, there'll be no more space for nonsensical things.
I won't have any regrets with this decision, i'm sure of it! If people will tell me i blew my chances, they are wrong! i'll be regretting with the rest of my life if i won't strive harder to reach my dreams.
So... Tomorrow will be a brand new day, i'll still be the cheerful girl they always know, but i'll be more responsible yet ambitious! Goodluck to me, i know i can do this! ^^
Posted at 02:41 pm by peachfive
Love me.
.::my song for my special guy::.
All you will never know
by: Avril Lavigne
You’re indecisive when it comes to making any plans
you’re on the fence
you give me reasons I never seem to understand,
they don’t make sense
maybe ain’t enough for my heart
we’ll see, ain’t off to a great start
baby, I want you to be mine,
you better hurry ‘cause if I change my mind
[Chorus]
You will never know,
what it means, to love me
and you will never know,
what these two lips taste like to kiss
you can just suppose to what my body feels like to hold
hope you can deal with, all you will never know
I wanna know you, what’s hiding behind this wall
who you really are
I wanna meet you on the other side of this charade
wherever the cards may fall
I’m ready to give you my heart
yea I’m willing to show up for my part
baby, I want you to be mine,
you better hurry ‘cause if I change my mind
[Chorus/bridge]
You will never know,
what it means, to love me
and you will never know,
what these two lips taste like to kiss
you can just suppose to what my body feels like to hold
hope you can deal with, all you will never know
about me, what I see, what I believe in,
how I breathe, when I weep
[Chorus]
Posted at 10:28 am by peachfive
Love me.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Because no one really knows...
Here i am again, staring at nowhere, feeling doomed and all.. i just keep thinking over and over... I hate feeling this way but i just can't help it.
Some people really think they know all about me, how i move, how i feel, how my mind works. Everything! but they are just wrong! They just won't give me the chance to be myself.
Yeah, i know i always fool around, i laugh loud, i do silly things. But it is just not the whole me. I'm more than that. Some people think i'm the black sheep of the family. Some people think i'm too insensitive over serious matters. Some thinks i'm so of a happy-go-luck type of person, some thinks i'm too selfish, too self-centered, too boastful. But they are all wrong! If only they would just give me a chance to show myself. But sadly, they won't. They think of me as a kid! They just won't take me seriously. Nobody wants to.
Yeah, at times i don't give my reaction, at times i don't give a damn, it's because i'm afraid to show this feelings inside of me. I'm afraid that people won't like seeing the half of the real me. The real me, that knows how to cry when everything turns upside down, the me that knows how to get scared when darkness fills everything that i loved. The me that is sometimes being cruelly affected over simple petty fights. The me that knows how to be sensible over serious things.
I'm not a cyborg who always follow what people wants, who always go with the flow. I'm a a human being, who can feel love, pain and happiness. I have my own mind. I have my own freewill.
It's not true that i can always paint rainbows and butterflies, and
smile like there's nothing wrong. But i'm trying my best to be the
cheerful girl that everyone knows. I want to hide it all, but sometimes i fail. I'm sorry. It's hard to put a fake smile in front of everyone else when my eyes wants to bring out the tears. It's hard to push a fake laugh when my heart is crying loudly.
Every night, i pray that one day, i could find that special someone who can understand what i feel, who can never leave me in times like this. Someone who can accept that i cry, i get mad, i get angry. Someone who i can trust with all of my fears, someone who i can share not only my happiness but also the sadness inside my heart. Someone who is willing to know the real me...
Posted at 08:57 am by peachfive
Love me.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Yeah, you heard it right! If confusion kills, i'll prolly be dead by now! right this minute, right this very second! Ahaaaaa!! Another one of those days, huh... when confusion strikes me! haha! another one of those times when i want to run and hide myself in a big hole and hybernate! OMG! Watashi wa nani ishterun da?! Graaaaaaa!!
I don't want this to happen? but... but... it happened... i want to stop this... demo... i think it can't be stop! Okay! As what my bestfriend says "MIND OVER MATTER!!!". It's easy to say that! but it's hard to do that! I swear!
Hm... Maybe i shall turn myself into that chant again ne... haha! remember my last way back entry? "The mantra"! The "daikirai desu ne!!!" chant! remember that? remember that? shall i resort to that???? haha... or just wait until this confusion dies down????
Oh c'mon, what am i talking about??
*logs out*
Posted at 11:07 am by peachfive
Love me.
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